chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
