I could make wine with my vomit
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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