Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
