ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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