So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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