I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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