Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
