Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
