So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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