what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
