I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
