I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
