I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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