I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
