he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He felt like a one man threesome
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
