yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
