my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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