Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
