dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
These tits shall not be calmed
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
