I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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