Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
