I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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