Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
