Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
