I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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