I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
