I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
