New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
