i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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