if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
