Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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