we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
