Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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