halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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