went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
