I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
