I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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