I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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