I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize