he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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