Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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