just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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