the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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