Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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