Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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