It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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