I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
