I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
