im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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