when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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