I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Semen is not good for contacts.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
