Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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