I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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