Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
