the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
