im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
