one word: firstdatebathroomanal
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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