i just snorted my name. best moment ever
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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