you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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