hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
