I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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