The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
