i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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