I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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