dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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