I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize