I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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