I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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