Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
