if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
