Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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