Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
